Dear Bread Pals,
Today my husband and I bring our youngest to college. The last few weeks have been a flurry of fun and work, preparing him mentally and materially, and getting his help finishing up a big project. Last year, Felix and Jack built a retaining wall on our hilly backyard, and this week, the two of them have been moving large chunks of scavenged slate to make a bench. The last few days have been long hours of work interspersed with lots of sweet goodbyes.1
When my eldest went to boarding school 11 years ago, I began the process of emptying the nest. The feelings hit me like a storm. Francis and I played David Bowie as we packed, and I got in a surreal time warp, twisting backwards to myself at 14, and remembering my excitement and wonder about the world. Then, I returned to contemporary time, and marveled at the fact that I had a child old enough to leave home.
As Felix and I went through his clothes last week, we listened to a mix that started with Hotel California. I remain amazed that I have a child leaving home.
I think I'll never stop being surprised by the experience of being a mother. Until I was 26 I thought I wouldn't have kids; I had decided that writing and mothering wouldn't work. I am so glad Jack and I have these boys and our relationships with them. I had no idea how important being a parent would be to my life.
I had a dream the other night that we were given another baby to care for and I kept losing track of where the baby was. The baby is a blatant symbol for this new phase. Bringing Felix to college is a seismic shift, and I feel pregnant with another self.
So of course, I'm in the kitchen. Rhubarb is still flourishing, and I’ve made crisps, and blackberry-rhubarb sauce, plus chutney and ketchup.
Sandwich breads are my go-to, so of course I’ve been making those. Aiming to recreate Dave’s Killer Bread, which we had on vacation — please don’t be shocked that I eat supermarket bread! —I had fun trying out this seeded sourdough from Maurizio Leo, proprietor of The Perfect Loaf cookbook & baking instruction. I’ll be riffing on this recipe and its tangzhong — a cooked paste of flour and liquid that really softens dough. I used whole milk and rye flour to make my tangzhong, because I like extra innings of rye. The bread was soft and sweet and rang all the nostalgic bells I have for Freihofer’s Canadian Oat bread, my childhood bread of choice.
I’m working to replicate that loaf. Also on my mind are home versions of Freihofer’s Louisiana Ring and hermit cookies. If anyone has tips on that cake or cookie, please share below! And, if you have a yen to tell me about your birds flying the nest, I’d love to hear that too.
Yours, Amy
I made pampushky, Ukranian garlic buns for his goodbye party, but I know lots of people in lots of places are not able to celebrate anything these days. If anyone would like the recipe, I’m happy to share — especially if you donate/have donated to relief for folks in Maui, or anywhere else there’s need. Just reply to this email.
Below is a giant pampushky sandwich for our ride today.
Best of luck to your college-goer!
In the car headed to Massachusetts to take my youngest to college, too. <sigh> Lots of changes. Our sandos are cheese and veggies on this week's sourdough.